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Turning Storms into Rainbows with, “The Colors of Life”
Blog Post By Guest Author: Michelle Vale
My father left when I was 7. I remember my mom laying in bed with the shades drawn, mid-day, the room dark. That darkness casted over my life for many years. My parents were not equipped to deal with their emotions or those of the two children they had chosen to create. We were left to our own devices to work through it all. I went to counseling and my brother did not. We both suffered endlessly in our own ways. The divorce and lack of nurturance, ran its course and left life long wounds, still not fully healed today.
My father passed unexpectedly, when I was pregnant with my first born, who was a twin. Sadly, his twin passed one week later. The pain of both of these tragedies was horrific.
I never got an apology from my father for his handling of the situation. I was left to grieve with many unanswered questions. I felt robbed. My mother has yet to say sorry to my brother and I. We wait, but know it’s likely never going to come.
My aunt was the only family member I felt supported by growing up. I truly believe without her, my life would have turned out very different. And although I went to counseling for many years, it took a few before I found one I truly connected with. Once I finally did I had a breakthrough and was able to start healing and see how I could use my experience to change the outcome of my life. I decided to write a self-help book for children. A resource that would not only help children, but parents too. My book, The Colors of Life, tells my story and is illustrated through the eyes of other individuals touched by the devastation of divorce.
At the end of the book there are a series of questions, which were developed in partnership with Rainbows, to aid parents who are struggling to properly communicate with their kids on this very challenging topic.
While I was writing my book, I was in the process of completing my MS in Counseling and was interning in the guidance department of a middle school. This experience offered me the opportunity to sit in on a Rainbows support group. It was during this time I came up with the idea to have these very children illustrate my book. After writing my book, I continued to be involved with Rainbows in various ways, from going through the training to facilitate to fundraising for the organization. In the end, I wound up going down a different career path, but have continued to stay connected to the organization. Additionally, I always take the time to help others out who are suffering through the challenges of divorce. Whether through providing resources or just listening and sharing my own personal experiences.
Outside of Rainbows, another resource I often refer people struggling through divorce to, is Sandcastles by Gary Neuman. I saw him many years ago on Oprah and what he said really resonated with me, being a child of divorce myself.
The scars of the divorce are still with me and sometimes still rear their ugly head, but I wouldn’t change it for the world, because it shaped me to become who I am today and stopped me from repeating history with my own family. I took all that hurt and pain and poured it into creating a family environment laced with unconditional love and support. They are my everything.
