Coping with
Death
Coping with Death
Supporting Young People Grieving a Death
Although death is a natural part of life, experiencing the loss of a loved one can be especially difficult— particularly for young people.
How does death impact young people?
The death of a loved one is one of the most profound and permanent losses a young person can experience. It often comes without closure and can be especially difficult to understand—particularly for younger children still grappling with the concept of permanence. The loss can disrupt daily routines, relationships, and their overall sense of normalcy. Grieving the loss of a caregiver, family member, or friend is often compounded by the fact that those around them are also coping with the same loss, which can make finding support even more challenging at times.
How Does Rainbows Provide Support?
For over 42 years, Rainbows for All Children has supported hundreds of thousands of youth through grief, loss, and uncertainty. We continue to serve all young people—regardless of age, race, gender, or financial circumstances. If you or a young person you know is having a hard time with loss or change, [click here] to find Rainbows programming near you. Our programs are always free for participants, anywhere in the world where groups meet.
By joining the Rainbows community— whether as a participant, caregiver, or trained facilitator— you’ll gain access to an engaging, evidence-based curriculum, and a group of peers who understand. Sign up today, and become part of a compassionate, supportive network committed to helping young people process their experiences, grow, and thrive through life’s most challenging moments.
Helpful Resources
Supporting Youth Through Familial Death
Helpful Websites and Organizations
- This organization offers information and support on grief.
- This website recommends a list of picture books that help explain grief and death to children.
Articles and Blogposts
Activities for Grieving Children YouthLight, Inc.
- This guide comprises memory-making activities, grief processing activities, and other activities for grieving younger and older children.
Books
Samantha Jane’s Missing Smile: A Story About Coping With the Loss of a Parent
By Julie Kaplow and Donna Pincus
- With the help of her neighbor Mrs. Cooper, Samantha Jane is able to talk about how sad she is since her father died, and then she begins to feel better. Age 5 and up.
Where Are You? A Child’s Book About Loss
By Laura Olivieri
- This book is designed to help children of all ages cope with the loss of a loved one. It is created with love and care so that even the youngest readers will find comfort during this stressful and difficult time. Ages 5-6.
You Are Not Alone: Teens Talk About Life After the Loss of a Parent
- Words of reassurance and strategies for coping with the loss of a parent, by the director of the nation’s largest bereavement camp for children. Lynne Hughes and the kids of Comfort Zone Camp share the most difficult parts of their losses and offer their own experiences of what helps, what doesn’t, what stinks, and ways to stay connected to their loved ones. Ages 16-18.
A Parent’s Guide to Raising Grieving Children: Rebuilding Your Family After the Death of a Loved One
by Phyllis R. Silverman
- When children lose someone they love, they lose part of their very identity. In this deeply sympathetic book, Phyllis R. Silverman and Madelyn Kelly offer wise guidance on virtually every aspect of childhood loss, from explaining death to a two-year-old to managing the moods of a grieving teenager. Drawing on groundbreaking research into what children are really experiencing, and quoting real conversation with parents and children who have walked that road, the book allows readers to see what others have learned from mourning and surviving the death of a loved one. For Parents.
Videos
The Grieving Process: Coping with Death
- There is no right or wrong way to deal with the loss of a loved one. The grieving process is rough—and it’s different for everyone. It’s not just a matter of coping with a loss, but coping with change—and that takes time.
Supporting Youth Through Community Death
Helpful Websites and Organizations
- This page offers activities, articles, and videos for exploring grief with young children.
- Building Community through shared Greif
- This organization provides educational resources for those grieving the death of a loved one.
- This website is an online community designed to connect those who are grieving based on background and similar experiences for chats and opportunities to meet in person.
National Alliance for Children’s Grief
- This organization “promotes awareness of the needs of children and teens grieving a death and provides education and resources for anyone who wants to support them.” – NAGC Mission Statement
- The website, Option B,provides people with resources on grief and loss.
Articles and Blogposts
“After a Loved One Dies—How Children Grieve and How Parents and Other Adults Can Support Them”
By David J. Schonfeld, M.D., and Marcia Quackenbusy, M.S., MFT, CHES
- This guide is geared toward parents and family, but others who work with children may also find it useful. Teachers, coaches, childcare providers, and other caring adults can offer better support to a child who has lost a loved one when they understand more about how children grieve.
National Association of School Psychologists
- This page has some articles about death and grief and how to address them and help give children hope.
“Helping Children Cope with Death”
- This informational article discusses the factors that can impact the grief process, and emphasizes the importance of talking about the deceased. Remembering loved ones and keeping their memory alive is helpful and healing. Many factors influence children’s views on death, such as age, religious beliefs, cultural and/or ethnic values, and their relationship to the deceased person. However, their reactions of their caregivers are of primary importance in determining how children will cope with death.
Books
Center for Loss and Life Transition
- Grief coloring books for kids.
- Titles with Themes such as “How I Feel,” and “My Pet Died.” Ages 4-8.
By Jackie Schuld
- Grief is a Mess is an illustrated book for grieving children and adults who need a healthy dose of understanding, comfort, and laughter. Through humorous animal illustrations, the book explores how grief is different for everyone and can change without warning. Click here for the YouTube Reading. Ages 3-5.
By Charlyn Wee
- This is a story about facing your fears… a hardcover picture book for young and old alike. Ages 3-5.
By Todd Parr
- Through the lens of a pet fish who has lost his companion, Todd Parr tells a moving and wholly accessible story about saying goodbye. Touching upon the host of emotions children experience, Todd reminds readers that it’s okay not to know all the answers, and that someone will always be there to support them. Ages 2-4.
Not the End: A Child’s Journey Through Grief
By Mari Dombkowski
- In this true story, a young girl tells how her family continued to grow and enjoy life even after the death of her father, demonstrating how turning the daily pages of our lives can help heal the grieving heart. It is a story of hope. Ages 5-8.
After a Death: An Activity Book by Mari Dombkowski for Children
By The Dougy Center
- This easy to use workbook is designed for children who have experienced any type of death. With a mixture of creative activities and tips for dealing with changes at school, home and with friends, this is a great tool for all grieving children. We‘ve included a variety of drawing and writing exercises to help children remember the person who died and learn new ways to live with the loss. Ages 8-10.
By Amber McRee Turner
- Twelve-year-old Circa Monroe has a knack for restoring old photographs. It’s a skill she learned from her dad, who loves old pictures and putting fun digital twists on them. One day, her father receives a strange phone call requesting an urgent delivery, and he heads out into a storm. The unimaginable happens: a tornado, then a terrible accident, and Circa never sees her dad again. Circa notices something strange about the photos she and her father retouched—the digital flourishes added to the old photos seem to exist in real life. Ages 8-12.
Weird is Normal When Teenagers Grieve
Teens grieve differently from adults and often get lost in the shuffle after the death of a loved one. Weird is Normal When Teenagers Grieve is unique because it is a self-help book for grieving teens written by an actively grieving teen. Author Jenny Lee Wheeler lost her father to cancer when she was fourteen and validates for her peers that they have the right to grieve in their own way and according to their own timetable, that their grief attacks might be different from those of adults around them, and that they aren’t going crazy if they see signs from their loved ones. Ages 12-14.
by Megan Devine
- This book discusses how it’s ok to grieve and that everyone experiences grief differently. People who are grieving deserve better than what society is offering them; this book provides direction on how to cope with grief. Ages 16-18.
by Sheryl Sandberg
- This book is about facing adversity, building resilience, and finding joy. Ages 16-18.
Seven Choices: Finding Daylight After Loss Shatters Your World
by Elizabeth Harper Neeld
- Elizabeth Harper Neeld delivers a book that aids in not only the loss of a special person, but the loss of concepts as well. Whether it’s the loss of dreams, relationships, purpose or someone close, Seven Choices is there to guide the reader along the path to healing. Ages 16-18.
by Alan Wolfelt
- Alan D. Wolfelt has written Healing Your Grieving Heart, Healing a Teen’s Grieving Heart, and Understanding Your Grief. His book The Journey Through Grief helps guide individuals through their losses and puts them on the path to healing. Ages 16-18.
Podcasts
With Stephanie Garrity
- Two seasons of grief conversations on a variety of adverse childhood experiences and grief topics, from coping with holiday grief, to the effect of parental incarceration on children, and more!
With Megan Devine
- This podcast covers a variety of topics related to grief and loss.
With Nora McInerny
- A show that lets real people get real honest about how they’re really doing. It’s sometimes sad, sometimes funny, and almost always both. A production of Feelings & Co.
Videos
- Mindy is a licensed psychologist, thanatologist, and the co-founder and CEO of the Children’s Bereavement Center (CBC) in South Miami, Florida. In this Ted Talk, she speaks to how community can lead a child towards resilience, wisdom, confidence, and hope for the future after a death.
- This short video discusses the difference between sympathetic and empathic responses. Using empathy with a grieving person is much better than sympathy.
What Should You Say When Someone Dies?
- Short video about what to say to someone who is grieving and the phrases to avoid. Tangible actions help someone work through the grieving process.
Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood: Episode 1101: Death of a Goldfish
- Mister Rogers discovers a dead fish in his aquarium, buries it, and talks about his boyhood feelings when his dog died. He assures children that memories can help, and that sadness isn’t forever.
Parenting and Caregiving Through Death
Helpful Websites and Organizations
64 Children’s Books About Death and Grief
- This website lists sixty four different children’s books about grieving, ages ranging from 3-12.
- This website recommends a list of picture books that help explain grief and death to children.
- This website has key information and tips for those who have been widowed.
Articles and Blogposts
The Mistake I Made With My Grieving Friend
- This article discusses the best approaches on how to respond to a grieving friend.
- This is a 6-minute kit to “Heal the Source of Your Health, Success, or Relationship Issue.” Your healing kit for life: to recover from issues you know about and repair the ones you don’t.
Books
Bear’s Last Journey
By Udo Weigelt
- “Old Bear is very sick. With his animal friends gathered around him, Bear tells them that he must say good-bye, for he is going on a special journey.” Ages 4-8.
The Fall of Freddie the Leaf: A Story of Life of All Ages
By Leo Buscaglia
- This beloved classic has helped thousands of people come to grips with life and death. Ages 3-5.
Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children
By Bryan Mellonie
- It lets us explain life and death in a sensitive, caring, beautiful way. Ages 3-6.
Caterpillars Can’t Talk: A Children’s Story About Love, Loss and Transformation
By Kris Fenton Siwek
- “Caterpillars Can’t Talk,” provides parents, grandparents, teachers and counselors with a new and gentle way to talk about what we feel when someone we love passes away. It is a simple, sweet, heartfelt story that opens conversations and helps entire families heal. Ages 4-12.
Where Are You? A Child’s Book About Loss
- A kind and supportive text with beautiful illustrations designed to help children of all ages cope with the loss of a loved one. It is created with love and care so that even the youngest readers will find comfort during this stressful and difficult time. Ages 5-6.
- After the death of his father, Little Tree begins to learn how to cope with his feelings and start the healing process. With the help and support of his family and friends, Little Tree learns to cope by discovering what is really important in life, and that his fathers memory will carry on. This book offers a warm approach to the difficult subject of death and dying. Ages 5-8.
- Carolyn Jane Neill takes us on a journey through grief to help those experiencing it first-hand understand what it’s about, what to expect, and what they can do. She suggests practical ways to support those going through this life changing experience.
The Day Abigail’s Father Decided to Live with the Angels: Talking to a Child About Suicide
- Abigail is a happy seven year old girl with a nice mommy and a creative, but troubled, father. When Abigail’s father dies by suicide, Abigail has to come to terms with the death of her father. This book is appropriate for younger children who have experienced loss through suicide; although the messages contained in the book can be helpful to anyone who has a loved one who has taken their own life. Ages 8-10.
Beyond Grief: A Guide for Recovering From the Death of a Loved One
- Combining personal stories with step-by-step methods for grieving, Carol Staudacher approaches the path to healing with sympathy and compassion. Her methods can help anyone with a loss they are still processing and for overcoming the hurdles presented along the way. Ages 16-18.
- Judith Viorst guides the reader through a grieving brought on by age and the loss of relationships. Viorst finds that the losses experienced due to growing up are pathways to true maturity, deeper perspective and a fuller wisdom about life. Ages 16-18.
When Bad Things Happen to Good People
- Having gone through traumatic and heart-wrenching events in his own life, Harold S. Kushner talks about ways to reconnect with one’s spirituality and overcome extreme emotional pain that comes when someone loses an individual close to them. Ages 16-18.
By Nora Mclnerny
- “The Hot Young Widows Club is not just young women who have lost a husband. It’s a group of people from all over the world—men, women, gay, straight—who have lost their romantic partner. I don’t care if you were married or not. We’re here to help one another through this common experience without the platitudes the rest of the world offers us.”
Videos
- When loss enters our lives, understanding how to confront it can be difficult. Rachel Stephenson learned a valuable lesson after a difficult loss and shares her wisdom on what it means to grieve meaningfully.
The Daffodils Still Grow: A Book for Grieving Daughters
By Sherri Elizabeth Tidwell
- The Daffodils Still Grow is a full-color illustrated book that portrays life after a loved one dies as seen from the observations of a motherless child. TW: Suicide. For adults.
General Resources
Helpful Websites and Organizations
- This website is peer health support community providing online chat rooms for people to talk about their grief.
- The Open Studio Project, located in Evanston, IL, emphasizes the use of art to facilitate growth, healing and understanding.
Institute for Therapy Through the Arts
- The institute uses art to conduct therapy sessions. Therapists only use empirically researched methods and provide them within a continuity of care model.
The Family Institute by Northwestern University
- This institute offers counseling for families who can’t afford therapy. Therapist of graduate-level therapist-in-training. Committed to strength and healing the whole family system by supporting children, adults, couples and families across their lifespan.
- From early learning, afterschool and job readiness programs to counseling, mental health services and legal assistance.
- Non-profit, social service organization whose sole mission is to support children, families, schools and communities who are coping with grief and death of a loved one.
Chicago Analytic Institute’s Child Grief Services
- Financially accessible therapeutic services to children ages 2-17 and families who have suffered a profound loss from death, abandonment or other traumatic loss.
- Provides high quality medical, dental and behavioral healthcare to all regardless of ability to pay.
- This unique performing arts camp, held at the Auditorium Theatre in Chicago, brings together young people between the ages of 7 and 14 who have experienced the death of a parent to encourage the healing power of creative play. Through the exploration and creation of dance, theatre, and music, Hearts to Art inspires communication and collaboration, fosters emotional growth, and provides friendship, compassion and community.
- Operates free summer camps for youth ages 6-18 who have been impacted by a parent’s cancer.
- Largest national bereavement for youth ages 6-17 grieving the death of a significant person in their lives.
- Provides affordable mental health services that make lives better for our clients, their families and the community.
The Teachable Soul By: Andrea Powles
- Podcast that talks about Mental Health, Judgement and Trauma
The Widowed Mom By: Krista St-Germain
- A place for those who have lost their significant other and are ready to start the next chapter of their lives.
- This blog has tips on how to continue on with the next chapter of life after being widowed.
- Children’s therapy toys and other resources.
- Yoga studio in Evanston, IL
- This website is helpful to fathers going through divorce and wanting to understand what to do next to keep in touch with their children.
Overview of the Deportation Process
- This PDF gives an in-depth breakdown of the immigration process and the different agencies involved in it.
- Psychology Today highlights how children may react when living with a parent with a chronic illness and how you and others can help in making sure the child develops healthy coping methods.
Resources for Supporting Families Coping with Chronic Illness
- A list of resources for supporting families coping with a chronic illness.
Materials
“Coping with Grief and Loss” from Help Guide
- There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but there are healthy ways to deal with the grieving process. The tips in this guide can help.
- Visual Cards for Managing Feelings and Emotions Free Printables
Books
The Healing Code: 6 Minutes to Heal the Source of Your Health, Success, or Relationship Issue by Ben Johnson (Author)
- Your healing kit for life—to recover from issues you know about, and repair the ones you don’t.
by Patrice Karst (Author), Joanne Lew-Vriethoff (Illustrator)
- The Invisible String delivers a particularly compelling message in today’s uncertain times that though we may be separated from the ones we care for, whether through anger, or distance or even death, love is the unending connection that binds us all, and, by extension, ultimately binds every person on the planet to everyone else. Ages 3-7.
Healing the Hurt, Restoring the Hope
By Suzy Yehl Marta
- This book offers techniques to help children and teens resolve their grief once again and live a life filled with joy and hope. For Parents.
Resource Archive
Resources Published Before 2000:
How to Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies (1991)
by Therese A. Rando
- Presenting a variety of methods to cope with the grieving process, Theresa A. Rando gently guides the reader along the path to healing. No matter what your approach is, you’re sure to find it in this book. Ages 16-18.
Healing Your Grieving Heart for Teens: 100 Practical Ideas (2001)
by Alan Wolfelt
- With sensitivity and insight, this series offers suggestions for healing activities that can help survivors learn to express their grief and mourn naturally. Acknowledging that death is a painful, ongoing part of life, they explain how people need to slow down, turn inward, embrace their feelings of loss, and seek and accept support when a loved one dies. These ideas and activities are aimed at reducing the confusion, anxiety, and huge personal void so that the living can begin their lives again. Ages 12-14.
The Healing Your Grieving Heart Journal for Teens (2001)
by Alan Wolfelt
- In light of how difficult it us just to survive the teenage years, the grieving process can be especially difficult and overwhelming for teenagers. This diary affirms the grieving teen’s journey and offers gently, healing guidance. Ages 14-16.
Learning to Say Goodbye: When a Child’s Parent Dies (1988)
by Eda J. LeShan
- Focusing on how to process and handle the grief associated with the loss of an individual close to you, Eda J. LeShan speaks to the heart while healing the mind. Readers who have experienced a deep and profound loss will find Eda’s insights to be helpful and soothing to a damaged soul. Ages 16 and up.
Straight Talk About Death for Teenagers: How to Cope with Losing Someone You Love(1993)
- If you are a teenager whose friend or relative has died, this book was written for you. Earl A. Grollman, the award-winning author of Living When a Loved One Has Died, explains what to expect when you lose someone you love. Ages 14-16.
Categories
Find More Resources
We provide resources for all forms of grief.
Death
Of all the children in America, around 15% will experience the death of a family member or sibling. Even though death is ultimately a fact of life, it can be hard for anyone to experience this kind of loss, let alone a child.
Separation/Divorce
There are about 1.25 million divorces per year in the United States. Of all U.S. children, 50% will witness the breakup of their parents’ marriage, and almost 50% of those children will also see the breakup of a parent’s second marriage.
Incarceration
One in 28 children will have a parent become incarcerated before their 18th birthday. Approximately half of children with incarcerated parents are younger than 10 years old.
Deportation
When a parent, caregiver or sibling is deported, or even when there is the threat of deportation, the whole family suffers.
Military Deployment
Parental deployment is a form of loss that 3% of American children experience. This can be a very difficult adjustment for children, who may not be able to see or speak to that parent regularly, and who also may experience a great deal of stress when worried about their parent or guardian’s safety.
Community Crisis
Community crises, such as natural disasters, pandemics or political unrest, cause confusing emotions for children. Rainbows’ programs can help children navigate difficult times and provide a sense of stability.
Significant Illness
A child coping with the significant illness of a parent, caregiver or sibling can face many challenges.
Find A Support Group
Rainbows’ programs help children grieving the loss
of a parent or guardian due to death, divorce/separation,
deployment, deportation, incarceration or trauma.
